Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I am More Than a Conqueror

As I was doing some editing today, I came across something I had written almost eight months after my husband Michael died.  Two and a half years have passed since I wrote it and almost three years have passed since he died.  It has been good for me to step back and see just how far I have come in this healing journey to living a full life again.  This particular quote jumped out at me because I remember thinking at the time I wrote it that this day, today, would never come. The road was dark without an end in sight. Over time, I have truly conquered countless things and the road got brighter with each forward step I took.   This passage lists the tangible ways that I thought would be signs of restoration of life.

I look forward to the day when I will feel good all over again, breathing with freedom, laughing more frequently, excited about each new day and what it brings, and looking to the future again with a heightened expectancy of something good always around the corner….. which is how Michael and I viewed our life journey with God. A day when there will be no more yucky, sick feelings in the pit of my stomach, no more weight on my back and chest, no more sleepless nights, no more daily tears, no more strained conversations with people, and no more pain during church. 

I know the day will come but I am feeling beaten down in the process.  This week I reminded myself of God’s promise, ‘In all these things, I am more than a conqueror through him who loved me.’  Romans 8:37 

 I can, and will do this”.

God has rescued me!  I am more than a conqueror!  I am breathing again without reminding myself to do it.  I am laughing more frequently.  I am excited about each new day and I am looking to the future with heightened expectancy of something good.  There are no more sick feelings in the pit of my stomach.  The weight on my chest is gone.  Sleepless nights…well, sometimes.  No more daily tears.  No more strained conversations and I don’t cry in church any more!  The day has come and I barely recognized it because I crept upon it with baby steps. I conquered one thing at a time.

There are still more baby steps to go but thank God the dark valleys are behind me!  I have pressed into life, kept my eyes straight ahead with each step, and focused on my purpose.  As I lift my eyes today, I am able to see the great distance I have traveled.

 I am more than a conqueror…