Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Resurrected Desire

I read this quote today and it could not have arrived in my inbox at any better time than this.  My thoughts have been consumed for the last week with this very idea of awakened souls and resurrected desires.

"Desire often feels like an enemy, because it wakes longings that cannot be fulfilled in the moment...Spring awakens a desire for the summer that is not yet.  Awakened souls are often disappointed, but our disappointment can lead us onward, actually increasing our desire and lifting it toward its true passion." The Sacred Romance - John Eldredge

I prayed for several months starting last October for God’s resurrection power to rise up in my life.  My heart, my dreams, my desires, and my passion for life have all been lying dead in the “tomb” since my husband Michael died.  I needed that same power that raised Jesus from the dead to rise up and bring life to my heart, life to my dreams, life to my desires and my passions.  I needed the stone to roll away so that I could emerge among the living again.   I wanted to be fully alive again.  I wanted my children to be fully alive again.  I wanted God to stir up all of these things inside of us.  I petitioned to Him daily, on behalf of my children and me.

…Then it happened… After three months (interesting the correlation to the three days Jesus was in the tomb), He answered my prayers.

Everything has been resurrected and this is great news!  He heard me.  He responded.  He loves me.  He brought me back among the living…but now what?

I feel like a racehorse in the gate before a big race, full of energy, strength, desire and purpose, but still held back by the gate.  I can see the race before me, but it is not yet the moment…and still there are all of these desires resurrected and ready and I am recognizing purpose again.  Like John Eldredge said, “Desire often feels like an enemy, because it wakes longings that cannot be fulfilled in the moment.”  I fight feeling frustrated now at my resurrected desire for life, as if it is the enemy, because it is not the moment and yet I feel so ready for life.   It reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally.  Harry says to Sally near the end of the movie, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."  This thought goes for anything, not just relationships…when you realize how you want to spend the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.

What encourages me is the knowing that God would not have resurrected all of these things if it were not close to the time to “open the gate”. 

Romans 8:15-21 explains this quandary in which I find myself…this joyful anticipation for the road that lay ahead of me.

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life.  It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are.  We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.  And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us – an unbelievable inheritance! …That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times.  The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next.  Everything in creation is being more or less held back.  God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready to be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead…. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.”  

After 3 years in the tomb, I feel adventurously expectant asking God, “What’s next, Papa?”…. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens as I wait to be released for the glorious times ahead.

Eyes Straight Ahead….


  1. Thank you for these timely words. They helped me more than you can possibly know. Our God is right on time. :-)

  2. Jene, I praise God that He has brought you to this place and eagerly anticipate hearing the wonderful things He will continue to reveal to you and your precious children.

    We have been friends of the Barranco's for 50 yrs. and I was going through chemo when Michael was killed. I have been blown away by your writings. You have a gift indeed. I wanted to respond but his passing had left me speechless until now. I just had to thank you that you have ministered to me through your grieving and it does my heart good to hear the cloud is lifting. I continue to pray for you all.
    Love, Suzette Leverette

  3. Beautiful Jene! Love your blog it is always encouraging!

  4. Jene', this really resonates with me. Based on my experiences with waves of grief since my son died in an early morning car accident, the need for God to "resurrect" joy, passion, and excitement will be ongoing. He is PERFECT and so is his timing.
    I invite you to check out my website about the treasures we have in tragedies at www.karynalmendarez.com.
    Keep writing; your writing is touching and effective!